Week 19: The Codependency Traps – Relational Codependency and Avoidance
The two driftwood pieces lean against each other on the shelf, one supporting the other’s weight. They look stable at first. But touch them, and the balance tips. One falls, pulling the other down. I rearrange them, separate but near. The structure holds better.
Codependency traps started in the digger’s chaotic home. My father’s moods dictated the day, his needs above all. Verbal lashings for independence, neglect for needing too much. I learned to merge, to anticipate, to lose myself to keep peace.
Now relationships smear under social anxiety. Codependency makes me overgive, hoping to secure the bond. Boundaries blur, my canvas overrun with another’s strokes. When fear surges, avoidance kicks in—pull away, hide the masterpiece, revive neglect’s isolation.
These patterns interconnect. Trust issues from Week 6 make merging feel safe at first, then dangerous. Intimacy fears keep closeness superficial. Negative self-view from Week 9 convinces me I must earn love through sacrifice. Dysregulation flares arguments, codependency smooths them at my cost.
Substance abuse hides the pain of imbalance, self-harm releases the resentment. GAD worries about loss, depression withdraws further. Re-enactment repeats the parent’s dynamic.
Work suffers from relational drain, productivity lost to emotional labour. Financial instability from overgiving resources.
Last week’s etches were solitary. This week the traps are shared, canvases that smear under pressure.
I set the driftwood apart, each standing alone. The pause notices the urge to merge without following. Breathe, define the edge. Therapy teaches boundaries: say no without guilt, ask for needs without fear.
The pieces remain near, but independent. A new balance.
Healing codependency means claiming the canvas. Not isolation, but interdependence. The strokes touch without overtaking.
The shelf holds steady. I add a faint line connecting two shapes on paper, light and equal. Next week we’ll wrap with the full palette, reflecting on the series. For now, this balanced mark has its place.
What strokes are you adding to your canvas? Share anonymously in comments.